boytakeslife

tree, tree, we hardly knew ye

2006-11-18T10:19:00.000+08:00

It was brought down by typhoon Milenyo. Soil erosion around its base was a contributing factor to its downfall. I walk by this tree everyday for the past five years on my way to work.

About two weeks ago, it was sprouting new branches; its new leaves the color of vibrant green. Though, most of its roots have been exposed and it may have been lying on its side, it was still living.

Monday comes and I see sawed off trunks and sawdust. And I realized I don't have a picture of it living.

the model (part 2)

2006-11-17T14:48:00.000+08:00

For anyone who's even remotely interested to what happened to my model, I present thee... the test.

I just dump newspapers on top layer by layer until it seemed like breaking, then stop.

Conclusion: passed within the acceptable limits but not strong enough. Oh well. The sem's over anyway.

* * *

You might be wondering why I'm posting this only right now. I decided to write again (God help me). And I figured to pick up where I left off.

the model

2006-09-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

So you want to see what I have been messing around with for the past week?

Not completely finished. Have to figure out a way to make it stiffer. And stand (without props).

Then the load test...

God help us all.

____________________

The Model - Belle and Sebastian

scheme 10

2006-09-13T10:45:00.000+08:00

Yup. Scheme 10. And hopefully the final one.

I had to reduce the length of bays to 5m, so I could have a module of 3m for my diagonal members. So it's basically a diamond/parallelogram shape w/ dimensions of 3m each.

eyes open wide

2006-09-08T11:44:00.000+08:00

Probably the best picture I took in a long while...

Look into my eyes. You are veeeeeery sleepy...

____________________

Eyes Open Wide - Toad the Wet Sprocket

scheme 4

2006-09-01T16:42:00.000+08:00

Scheme 4 is your typical large beam/truss.

scheme 3

2006-09-01T16:36:00.000+08:00

Scheme 3 uses a diagonal frame.

scheme 2

2006-09-01T16:24:00.000+08:00

Scheme 1 is not posted. Scheme 2 is the mesh/grid type of frame that can be made up of small members. I'm leaning towards this because it might be actually easier to construct a model out of it.

i'm back

2006-09-01T16:14:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging again.

Yup. I pretty much let this blog die for the past couple of months (the reason which is another long post). But I needed a venue to post school stuff so my professor can check that I'm actually doing something. Yes. You heard me correctly. School forces me to blog.

He suggested multiply.com, but I'm too damn uhm... (loyal? lazy? rigid?) to learn my way around something new. Besides, I don't want another webpage to maintain. And I do occasionally post my school stuff here, so it will be nothing new.

I did check back on my previous posts to check if there were embarrassing stuff written. I'm glad to report it's mostly sanitized. Phew.

So there will be new posts. Just not about my personal life. Never that exciting enough to begin with...

all you need is hate

2006-04-19T16:52:00.000+08:00

Not. Dead. Yet.

Well, not if I can't help it.

God, feeling all warm and self-content is definitely preventing me from writing. Seriously, I'm wallowing in complacency here. My present situation has forced me to write sparingly. And that's my big excuse.

You want my little ones? Ok. Ok. I was too lazy to put down my thoughts yadda yadda yadda type on the keyboard yadda yadda yadda living embodiment of sloth yadda yadda. Satisfied?

As ridiculous as it sounds, in the past, misery has always been a great muse. Wait a minute.

Must. Think. Dark. Thoughts.

Ok. I think I'm going to start writing.

____________________

All You Need is Hate - The Delgados

wait

2006-03-30T17:38:00.000+08:00

If you can just wait a few more days...

Need the time to organize my thoughts.

____________________

Wait - K's Choice

nothing to declare

2006-02-28T15:36:00.000+08:00

Who would have thought that next week could stretch to next month, huh?

Quite frankly, I just don't feel like... sharing.

____________________

Nothing to Declare - Holiday with Maggie

i know it will rain on my wedding day

2006-01-27T16:13:00.000+08:00

I'm off to a wedding this weekend. (Not my own.) It's in one of those towns in Quezon (a four-hour drive from Manila). Leaving tomorrow for an overnight trip, just to wake up for the early morning ceremony on Sunday. The food better be worth it...

See you next week.

____________________

I Know It Will Rain On My Wedding Day - Motion Picture

time flows much more slowly this way

2006-01-25T11:30:00.000+08:00

The other weekend, I sat, for half an hour, staring at someone inflate a backyard plastic pool. Somehow, I found the scene so... fascinating. The sight of someone laboriously pushing down on a manual pump. The slowly emerging ovoid shape as air got filled. The eager faces of kids scampering about...

There was no drama. No climax to wait for, as the outcome (barring any freak bursting at the seams or unfortunate explosion) was clearly known. I hardly noticed the 30 minutes passing so quickly.

And here I am in the office, freakin' impatient, when my browser gets a few seconds late in loading a website.

Time is indeed relative.

____________________

Time Flows Much More Slowly This Way - AM/FM

don't ask me to explain

2006-01-13T15:26:00.000+08:00

Speaking of pet cats...

Cy, short for Cyclopes, a kitten born with only one eye and no nose, is shown in this photo provided by its owner in Redmond, Oregon, on Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005. The kitten, a ragdoll breed, which died after living for one day, was one of two in the litter. Its sibling was born normal and healthy. (AP Photo/Traci Allen)

Freaky... but cute... in a weird sorta way.

* * *

Downright hilarious. Laugh yourself silly.

Things My Boyfriend Says

* * *

Or better yet, teach yourself how to wolf whistle...

____________________

Don't Ask Me to Explain - Of Montreal

a paper gift

2006-01-12T11:24:00.000+08:00

I am thoroughly enjoying oranjehair's gift right now. See sidebar for photo. As always, her spelling is shitty. (It's two n's and a single s. Please get it right the next time.) But the book is fun to read, with all the references to geek stuff. I didn't know the lives of Microsoft employees could be this... compelling. There's also the running theme of Lego throughout the book, which is, of course, my all-time absolute favorite toy. Take note, not just during childhood. Of all-time.

* * *

I just have to put this out there so I get first dibs. If I get a pet cat (or any kind of pet for that matter), I would christen thee Pedro the Lion.

____________________

A Paper Gift - Motion Picture

nothing much happens

2006-01-11T15:33:00.000+08:00

I'm back. I've had access to the internet for a week now, but I was too lazy. Though I did update my reading list twice, just haven't felt the motivation to write that's all.

Moving on, the following things may (or may not) have happened to me since I last posted something. (That was last year, of course. And this means, this post is my first for the year.)

1. Read through five and a half books. The Dragon Circle was bleh. And Steel Beach was a sort-of redoing of Heinlein's The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. (Hint: the original one is better.) Grass was okay.

2. Watched the entire second season of 24. Thank you Studio 23 for running another marathon. That's about 17 and a half hours of sitting in front of the telly, with the occasional bathroom breaks and lunch. Looking back, I spent more time watching in those two days than sleeping.

3. Eat too much. But it's the holidays and everyone gets a short reprieve from their own consciences.

4. Slept too much. But the weather was really fine, my bed was calling, and I couldn't tear myself away. I was weak... God help me.

5. Met balikbayan friends. A couple batchmates were home for the holidays, so it was nice to see faces you haven't seen over a year.

6. Finish what I have to finish for masters. WAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HAHAHA! HAHAHA... Ach... Ach... *cough* *cough* *wipes tears* ...that was a funny one.

Won't bother you anymore with the other small events. I'd write about them in the future when the inspiration hits me. Or not.

Daaad... He's watching me again...

____________________

Nothing Much Happens - Ben Lee

what do you look forward to

2005-12-21T12:51:00.000+08:00

I know what I have to do and do it.
I know what I have to do and do it.
But I don't know what it is until it's done...

Everyone Here is My Friend
The Owls

* * *

I seem to have put off a lot of tasks to finish during the long break, tasks involving school matters and drafting (the income-generating kind).

Nonetheless, I'm still looking forward to it. One and a half week of waking up late and not thinking about work (well, the formal one). Yey.

* * *

I've also stocked up on books to read over the holidays, on a book-buying frenzy on every Booksale I could visit last month. As of my last count, the number stands at 14, not including the ones I intend to read again (more on that later). By my guess, I'd probably get to read half. Anything more would seriously cut into my TV time (and that is bad...) and cause sleep deprivation and blindness.

I recently found two books I've been looooong searching for.

The first one was the fifth book of Sharon Green's The Blending Series. I bought the first four books way back in college. (In National and not discounted, mind you. I was stupid back then.) The series itself wasn't that great, but I wanted to have a sense of closure. (Hence my desire to reread the previous books and add 4 to the count on the reading list.)

The second one was the middle book of Craig Shaw Gardner's The Dragon Circle which I have been looking for the longest. I bought the first and third books at the start of college and I couldn't read the third one (because I'm OC). That's 9 years of waiting. 9! That is closure.

* * *

Some books you may not see on the sidebar but I plan to read over the holidays:

Virtual Light by William Gibson
Found it cheap, so might as well delve into another cyberpunk novel by Gibson.

Steel Beach by John Varley
I've heard about this book, and now I get to see if it's any good.

Unicorns II edited by Jack Dann and Garden Dozois
I already have the first one and it was nice. Compilation of short stories all about unicorns.

Lord Foul's Bane by Stephen Donaldson
I'm curious about the Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever series. This is the start.

* * *

Like last year, this blog is also taking a hiatus. Mainly because I don't have an internet connection at home. (Come to think of it, there have been previously long periods between posts due to laziness too.) So, to be politically correct, Happy Holidays everybody! See you all next year.

____________________

What Do You Look Forward To - Superchunk

my favourite game

2005-12-21T08:19:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, oranjehair dropped by the office to give me a Christmas gift (with two giggling girls in the background). I found out about her visit on that day (through her blog, of all places), hence I wasn't able to give her the perfect Christmas gift, one that she has long waited for (a coin-operated boy). Shucks.

She gave me a book by Douglas Coupland, included in the list of the top 20 geek novels. She's helping me along on to full-geekiness.

And as the characters in that book were decribed, I present my profile and my seven dream Jeopardy! categories:

boytakeslife is 27, an architect and a graduate student. If he were a Jeopardy! contestant, his dream board would be:

Scrounging for science fiction books at your nearest Booksale
The Adventures of Tintin
Mid to late 90's "alternative" music
Wind power systems
Sherlock Holmes
Depression and melancholia
Downloading mp3's for free without using P2P file sharing services

"I'll take Wind Power Systems for 500, Alex."

____________________

My Favourite Game - The Cardigans

one year later

2005-12-14T12:40:00.000+08:00

This is fun. I looked back at all the books I read this year and appeared on the sidebar. Hopefully, I got them all in order, though I may have missed some. (Pardon to all the dial-ups.)

Like all things, some of them were really good, and others I dare not recommend and touch again. Some I've been wanting to get my hands on, and some are delightful surpises. All in all, it was a good year.

____________________

One Year Later - The Get Up Kids

handjobs for the holidays

2005-12-13T08:48:00.000+08:00

I recently purchased a hand mixer.

Let me try to guess what you may be thinking right now.

a. It's the new tool for drafting.
b. I have a new hobby. (And if I get real good at it, a new career.)
c. The TV I last bought was feeling a tad lonely.
d. Making scrambled eggs is such a labor.
d. I want to kill someone.

Fortunately, there was a sale and I got it for the employee discount. (No. I did not get another job.) I was supposed to get the sandwichmaker, but they ran out. (A fitting appliance for the architect, if there ever was one. Imagine drafting with a pencil on one hand and a sandwich on the other. Pwede.)

It was a once-a-year sale. It was a big discount. It was an Oster. (Seeing that we already have the food processor and the blender, I thought they could get along with each other.)

Plus, my sister said she needs it to make a cheesecake.

Mmmmmm... cheesecake...

So we now have a brand new hand mixer.

Meet the new member of the kitchen family...

____________________

Handjobs for the Holidays - Broken Social Scene

do you have to let it linger?

2005-12-12T14:32:00.000+08:00

I know they have done a lot, but if you ask me, The Cranberries best song will always be their very first single - Linger. I came to this conclusion after listening to the mp3 a couple of nights ago. Haven't heard it in awhile. Since way back, I've always had my suspicions that it was their best (for me, in any case).

Maybe it's because of Dolores O' Riordian's voice, how it hasn't matured yet and reached its fullness. Or the fact that there's only a faint Irish accent which can be overpowering sometimes. Maybe it's that lovely video I remember watching late at night. Or because it's not a political slogan like most of their other songs. Or maybe I'm just tickled pink that someone would rhyme finger with linger.

Truthfully, I was never really a fan. And I've never really liked their subsequent releases.

Zombie may be their biggest hit, but I never liked the screaming. Though I would always remember Lina singing (rather, screaming) that song after dinner on a videoke machine, inside a nipa hut in Hundred Islands. The screaming tends to be therapeutic.

I did like another song though - I Can't Be With You. Catchy tune and lyrics (something about "the mother of your child"). Whenever I hear it, I have images of red suits, an old angel smoking and macabre easter bunnies dancing in my head. Disturbing video, to say the least.

Finger rhymes with linger...

____________________

Linger - The Cranberries

here's where the story ends

2005-12-08T09:41:00.000+08:00

Alex passed away yesterday.

It was also his 28th birthday.

____________________

Here's Where the Story Ends - The Sundays

act surprised now baby

2005-11-23T12:34:00.000+08:00

Incidentally, Time Magazine published a list of the 100 best English-language novels from 1923 to the present. While scrolling down the list, I found a couple of entries that surprised me.

Slaughterhouse-Five - Kurt Vonnegut
Neuromancer - William Gibson
Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson
Ubik - Philip K. Dick

They're science fiction books. There are others on the list that can fall on that description like A Clockwork Orange, 1984, or the entry by Margaret Atwood. (Do Tolkien and C. S. Lewis count?)

I can understand Slaughterhouse-Five making the list. It's being tackled already in various English classes. Neuomancer is a groundbreaking cyberpunk novel, but it's difficult to read. (Up to now, I can't reread it yet.) On the other hand, Snow Crash is eminently readable and enjoyable, but may not be appealing to non-science fiction readers. However Ubik is a bizarre book. May not be Dick's best work. I'm puzzled why it got in the first place.

But I'm still happy they put some sci-fi in there. Who says science fiction can't be serious fiction?

____________________

Act Surprised - Superchunk

let's talk about spaceships

2005-11-22T10:24:00.000+08:00

The Guardian's technology blog listed the top 20 geek novels as voted by their readers.

The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- Douglas Adams 85%
Nineteen Eighty-Four -- George Orwell 79%
Brave New World -- Aldous Huxley 69%
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? -- Philip Dick 64%
Neuromancer -- William Gibson 59%
Dune -- Frank Herbert 53%
I, Robot -- Isaac Asimov 52%
Foundation -- Isaac Asimov 47%
The Colour of Magic -- Terry Pratchett 46%
Microserfs -- Douglas Coupland 43%
Snow Crash -- Neal Stephenson 37%
Watchmen -- Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons 38%
Cryptonomicon -- Neal Stephenson 36%
Consider Phlebas -- Iain M Banks 34%
Stranger in a Strange Land -- Robert Heinlein 33%
The Man in the High Castle -- Philip K Dick 34%
American Gods -- Neil Gaiman 31%
The Diamond Age -- Neal Stephenson 27%
The Illuminatus! Trilogy -- Robert Shea & Robert Anton Wilson 23%
Trouble with Lichen - John Wyndham 21%

I've read about eight of them (in italics) and I have a copy of Neil Gaiman's American Gods sitting on the shelf. That's about half the list. Does this mean I'm half a geek?

(I do plan eventually to read the rest, if I can grab hold of them. On my way to geekiness!)

____________________

Let's Talk About Spaceships - Say Hi To Your Mom

stay where you are

2005-11-08T15:18:00.000+08:00

Let's not pack those things yet...

My boss is staying until the end of the year (or until they find a decent replacement). The joke running around the office is for another despedida, only this time, it's on the boss.

Does this mean another round of hugging and ass-grabbing?

____________________

Stay Where You Are - Ambulance LTD

i've been waiting

2005-11-02T16:38:00.000+08:00

It took me about four years to complete it, but last Tuesday, I've finally seen the entire first season of 24.

Thank you Studio 23 for running the marathon. I caught the first 12 episodes when it was shown on channel 9 (way, waaaay back), but inexplicably, never played the rest. It may come as a shock, but we do not have a DVD player at home. Even if could borrow the series, I have no way to play it.

Moreover, I simply refuse to watch the tagalized version on channel 2. (Seriously, how idiotic was that?! Do they assume that Filipinos are dumb and can't understand English?! What's the point of translating it when more than half the dialogue involves technical jargon, which were going to be said in English anyway?!)

Studio 23 squeezed the whole show in 19 hours (11:30pm to 6:30pm the next day). I figured, half of the running time would fall around 9am. So that morning, I woke up around 7:30, turned on the TV and had my breakfast in front of the screen. Aside from frequent bathroom breaks and a 20-minute lunch downstairs, I sat straight through the marathon.

Despite being annoyed at some characters' stupidity, the implausibility of the events and the repetitive commercials, I truly enjoyed every moment of it.

When it ended a little past 6, I had a slight headache, bloodshot eyes, and another checkmark on that things-to-do-before-I-die checklist.

Now on to season 2...

I heard you watched me for 10 hours...

____________________

I've Been Waiting - Matthew Sweet

the difference

2005-11-02T14:59:00.000+08:00

I spent the better part of my long weekend curled up in bed reading The Difference Engine by William Gibson and Bruce Sterling.

I've been meaning to read the book, but I couldn't seem to find a cheap copy until about two weeks ago in Megamall. I stumbled upon a 20-peso paperback in Book Sale and immediately bought it (along with the first book of Orson Scott Card's Homecoming series priced at 20 pesos too, lucky bastard).

Normally, I'm a bit cautious about reading novels with two authors. Past experiences have shown me that most often they never work. Either the two writers' styles never truly mesh or they overpower each other too much.

Plus, I'm a bit put off by Bruce Sterling ever since I saw an interview of him in an obscure TV show. I found him to be egotistic and overbearing, using big words and talking about concepts that no normal person could comprehend (or even begin to comprehend.) But I have no problem with William Gibson. I want to read more of him if I find cheap books (cheap bastard).

Fortunately, the book is quite decent. The premise is very interesting, quite original for speculative fiction. What if the Computer Age was reached a hundred years earlier, right at the peak of the Industrial Age? Computers are described as steam-driven engines (hence the title) filling up entire buildings and using punch cards as software. The book is part historical thriller and part detective story. There are cameos of famous people like John Keats being a filmmaker, Lord Byron as the Prime Minister of Britain, and Karl Marx establishing Communist New York.

The book feels like a cyberpunk novel, however set not in the future, but in the past. Despite the technological advances, the two authors still paint their imagined world as dystopic. Class revolts, Luddites, environmental degradation, unstable government, anarchy and such others make their world far from perfect.

All in all, it was a pretty good exercise for the imagination.

____________________

The Difference - Wallflowers

you know i should be leaving soon

2005-10-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

It only sunk in when I was on my way home.

He's been telling everybody in the office of his impending departure, but we were always taking it half-seriously. Maybe it's because my boss likes to put a humorous spin to it. Or the fact that they haven't found a replacement for him yet. Or because I'll probably still see him around the college and lab.

Today was my boss' last day. He resigned. (Actually, tendered his courtesy resignation way back at the end of last year but we still didn't take him seriously.) He has his reasons, and from what I know, mostly revolving around the notion that it's a thankless job. (I'm not even sure anyone has thanked him yet.) Anything beyond that I do not know.

The despedida was one big laughfest. Everybody was joking around (of course, he being the primary instigator). As a parting present, we gave him a framed digitally altered movie poster of Must Love Dogs with our messages scribbled around it. We put his face on John Cusack's and changed the title to Must Love OCA. He said he realized just how much he resembled John Cusack.

The resemblance is uncanny... or so my boss claims...

For a serious moment, there was a round of toasts. (We had bottles of red wine.) He delivered a brief speech. Before the festivities ended, he gave everbody a warm hug. (He groped some men's butts too.)

And we all left for home.

____________________

You Know I Should Be Leaving Soon - American Football

shady lane

2005-10-28T15:04:00.000+08:00

A shady lane? Everybody wants one!

One afternoon, after a site visit to Benitez Hall, I decided to walk back to the office (a distance of over one km). Seeing that the Katipunan jeep (faster if I ride it and get off at Quezon Hall than the Ikot jeep) would be rare these days (it was already the semestral break for students), I thought I'd save PhP 6.50 (current ikot fare) and enjoy the overcast sky.

Some thoughts while traversing the length of the Academic Oval:

I need the exercise. I've been sitting on my chair far too long, glued to the computer screen, too lazy to step out of the office. Consequence? My tummy is getting a bit rounder (though I claim it to be just filled with gas, which on second thought, may sound even worse).

There's an effin' truck parked right in front of Palma Hall. Parked on the sidewalk. Which forced me to walk on the road. At the same instant, a speeding jeepney is heading my way. It swerves at the last instance and spews smoke as it passes by. I, in turn, unavoidably start inhaling lungfuls of exhaust.

While still under construction, the new walkway at the Faculty Center is turning out really good, better than the waiting shed, which was the inspiration. Though I'm still quite peeved that they changed the color scheme.

A crowd of joggers is trotting on the other side of the road. Some of them possess crazy hair-do's.

I'm thinking of writing a blog entry about my afternoon adventure. Words and phrases immediately start popping in my head. There you go...

__________________

Shady Lane - Pavement

stories i tell

2005-10-21T14:25:00.000+08:00

Alex was thin and frail-looking when he was younger.

He was quiet. He rarely talked and raised his hands during class.

* * *

Alex was one of the taller boys in class. In grade 5, when we would assemble for the daily flag ceremony and morning prayer, he can be found at the back end of the line.

* * *

During a class presentation, Alex revealed that he could dance. Quite good, indeed. With music blasting from an old boom box, he moved with rhythm and precision. And that afternoon, with the prodding of our Grade 7 teacher, we got on our feet and Alex led the class in dancing.

* * *

I did not see Alex in high school. Later on, I found out he transferred.

* * *

I was surprised to see Alex again in college. He was taking the same course, but belonged to a different block.

We shook hands. We remember each other.

* * *

Alex changed his nickname. He would like to be called Par from then on. I asked him for a reason. He said it was his own tribute to his father who passed away.

* * *

One time, I got pissed at Alex. I was helping run one of the competitions our organization was sponsoring. Being the chairperson, he would constantly meddle in the preparations and override our decisions.

The event was a success.

* * *

Alex's favorite perch was the lobby in front of our tambayan (before he changed organizations). He would sit on the handrail and watch people pass by. I found him one time standing on the ledge, wondering about the scene below.

* * *

Alex would always ask the people around him if he could smoke. Only after getting their consent would he light up a cigarette.

* * *

Alex volunteered to do the yearbook. He hasn't finished it yet.

* * *

Alex was thin and frail when I went to his house a couple of days ago. He was lying down on the couch.

He has four tumors in his brain. Alex is also blind.

__________________

Stories I Tell - Toad the Wet Sprocket

have you seen me lately?

2005-10-13T08:58:00.000+08:00

Come to think of it, I haven't seen the office cat in about a year.

She's the dirtiest cat I've ever seen. I'm not alone. Even my officemates attest to this. She doesn't have the grooming gene in her DNA like all cats do. She was thin and often had scrapes and sores.

She hung around the office during lunch begging (more like meowing) for scraps. We used to have a fishball vendor visit regularly and she would often rub her face and body on our legs to get our attention. She liked monay even if she choked and gagged on the bigger pieces. She licked water off the toilet floor. At night, she slept on top of our fragile lighting model and I would usually find cat hairs stuck to the foam core in the morning.

We tried naming her once, but we eventually settled on fondly referring to her as the OCA cat.

Then she disappeared.

Meow... Give me hot monay or I'll rub my dirty face on your pant leg!!!

got a box full of letters

2005-10-11T08:52:00.000+08:00

I found this draft of a letter on my computer yesterday. It's about something that happened about three years ago. I don't recall the exact date and I don't remember who I sent it to or if I even sent it. Prior to blogging, my only outlet for creative writing was sending crazy emails to friends. This was one of them. Present comments in parenthesis.

Hey!

Had this weird encounter last night. It happened after the class of Dytoc (first sem of masters, I think), which was held at the round table in the arki lobby (still in Melchor Hall). So we were about to leave when Nonoy Ozaeta (the angel guy) suddenly appears and asks for a ride to Katipunan from Bronne.

He looked my way and he had this strange look in his face. And I knew at once that he was seeing something. So I asked to know. And he said he won't tell me.

So I pleaded, begged, nay, demanded (OA...)! And he just kept having that silly grin on his face.

Until finally he relented. And he said two words: BE CAREFUL. Of what? Career? Relationship? Commuting? Shaving? And he wouldn't tell me again.

So I pleaded again, begged, nay demanded (OA ulit...)! And he kept repeating BE CAREFUL.

So I asked the next best thing I could ask. I pleaded for advice. And he said two statements that I could not stop thinking about.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

As if all the uncertainties in my life just tripled!

As if all eight years of self analysis became meaningless!

And all the while he kept that silly grin in his face, reveling in my apparent confusion!

I swear to god, someday, that man will drive me insane (or he has already and I'm in denial)!

I could feel slipping away what little direction in life I have right now.

And that's my story.

Still confused,
J

Until now, I still don't get exactly what he said. But I'll be glad to report to him, if we ever see each other in the near future, that I found a direction in life. And I'm not about to let it slip away again.

you are tornado princess

2005-10-04T08:42:00.000+08:00

Most of the email I get (about 50%, I think) is from my uncle in the UAE. Most of the stuff he sends (about 99%, I think) is forwarded emails. You know the kind: chain letters, warnings and advisories, funny pictures, personality tests, inspirational powerpoint presentations and other messages with various attachments on them.

Seeing that it came from a family member, I don't delete his emails (except for duplicates). And the fact that I wonder if I could fill up Yahoo's 1GB storage capacity. So far, I'm up to 4%. I have a long way to go.

I'm guessing he's getting a lot of forwarded emails too. Being the busy man he is (or too lazy to write, depends on your point of view), he sends stuff anyway to keep in touch.

Recently, he sent pictures of Hurricane Katrina. Not of the destruction, mind you, but of the hurricane herself. (These pictures may have travelled a lot.) Nevertheless, they are amazing pictures.

handshake drugs i bought downtown

2005-09-29T15:23:00.000+08:00

I'm fighting this bug every step of the way. But I think I might be getting a little addicted to lozenges...

little things

2005-09-27T15:12:00.000+08:00

Still tweaking the new template. I'm not even sure if the comment function does work. And somebody didn't like the red banner. It was too... bloody(?). (Or the more correct term, "sucidal".) So I'm trying to figure out how to change the color. But I couldn't find it in the codes.

* * *

I think I'm coming down with something. My throat is itchy, which probably means I caught that nasty bug that already got my mom and my sister. This is the fifth time this year. Fifth! Getting old means finding out your immune system is not that strong anymore.

* * *

Broken Social Scene is great. A little weird (for me, of course; for others - may be downright confusing). Probably takes a little getting used to. But the album is great.

* * *

Hopefully, today will be my last class for the semester (pleas God, let it be). I'm looking forward to weeks of coming home early and getting some rest. Until the sem break ends. Then it's back to drudgery again.

i think a change would do you good

2005-09-23T12:30:00.000+08:00

If you haven't noticed already, I have a new layout.

I was pretty bored yesterday late afternoon, so I fiddled around my Blogger account, found a new template, and loaded it up. For a long time now, I've been meaning to change the look, but inspiration (and the urge to get off my butt and do it) hasn't hit me before. No more nice fantasy art for a header, but I'm thinking of inserting something in the future. I've been warned previously that the comments function doesn't work, but so far it does. Guess I won't fool around with it without anyone complaining yet.

And I seem to have a missing Blogger bar on top of the page. Still have things to fix.

Well, hope you like it. Because I sure do.

darling don't you go and cut your hair

2005-09-21T09:18:00.000+08:00

I've been asked to cut my hair. It's not that longish in my opinion. But she said I'm starting to look like Aaron Carter.

I don't want to look like Aaron Carter.

I'm all about you...

shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather

2005-09-16T09:18:00.000+08:00

Lovely weather we're having, eh?

Times like these I wish I was still in bed, cuddled up and devouring a book, rather than being stuck in the office all day. It would have to be gripping novel, something you can't put down and even dream about when napping. Hmmm. I still have that Frederick Poul and A. E. Van Vogt on the pile of books beside the bed. Is it too late to play hooky?

I figured, if it rains plenty enough, they'll suspend work in government offices. Then, at least, I have half a day left to do what I really want to do.

Having dark thoughts during dark weather.... Lovely.

addition to the collection

2005-09-15T16:55:00.000+08:00

Once again, it's time for the semi-occasional-new-mp3s-post!

I've finished listening to my recently downloaded mp3's. Overall, I think it's a pretty good haul this time.

Got new mp3's of (in alphabetical order) Acceptance, All Girl Summer Fun Band, Architecture in Helsinki, Ben Lee, British Sea Power, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Club 8, Dressy Bessy, Go! Team, Hey Mercedes, Jem, Josh Rouse, Karl Larsson (frontman of Last Days of April), Lali Puna, Mae, Palomar, Sunday's Best, Superchunk, Taking Back Sunday, The American Analog Set, The Ataris, The Decemberists, The Folk Implosion, The New Pornographers and The Radio Dept.

I've tried out Hot Hot Heat again. I got turned off by their first single where they kept singing about "bandages, bandages". But their other songs are better.

Also, I have the first singles of these bands' new albums: Idlewild, Death Cab for Cutie, Longwave, Teenage Fanclub and The Long Winters.

Plus, I've completed the albums of Butterfly Boucher, The Killers and Stars (Heart). Right now, I'm in the process of downloading the new Broken Social Scene album.

I've got one song that keeps repeating in my player - Moonbabies' War on Sound. Catchy little ditty.

But I have another one that is stuck in my head - The Eames Era's Could Be Anything. Let's sing it!

Can't you see
If I could be anything I want to be
I would be you see...

no, it's not going to stop 'til you wise up

2005-09-08T15:07:00.000+08:00

For the past few years, I laughed at myself for not having a valid enough reason to end it. And no matter how much I urge myself and badly want it, I couldn't bring myself to go through with it.

Funny, because now I have a perfectly good reason. Now that I have something to live for too.

I'm listening to Aimee Mann right now. Yup. It's that bad.

early morning great news

2005-09-01T08:35:00.000+08:00

Woke up this morning to find out we have a doctor in the family! My sister just passed the boards! Whoohoo!

wrapped up in books

2005-08-31T10:50:00.000+08:00

The title of this entry is a song by Belle and Sebastian, off their Book EP. But I forgot how it goes.

About two weekends ago, I was in Cubao stocking up on books. National Bookstore had this grand sale going on and it's pretty much the only time I could afford to buy arki books.

Anyway, they have two stores in the area. The one in Ali Mall is quite obscure, so fortunately, it has not been thoroughly combed before you. The one besides Gateway, the Superbranch (one humongous building of school supplies and books) has less finds, because it's the first place book-hunters go to when there is a sale.

Surprisingly, I did not find anything interesting. I usually find one or two. But I've been particularly picky. I try not to go over PhP 500. (Cheapskate!) I try not to get books I can't use (that means, it has to be at least about sustainable architecture in some way).

So I ended up scouring the different Booksale (my favorite bookstore) outlets in the area, of which there are four (Ali Mall, the old Rustans, the old Fiesta Carnival and Farmer's). If you're patient enough, you can find gems in the dusty bins. For my daily reading material, I bought 16 old paperbacks, mostly sci-fi, at an average of PhP 35 each (I'm too anal). I loaded up on Roger Zelazny, John Brunner, A. E. Van Vogt, Kim Stanley Robinson, Gordon Dickson, Frederick Pohl and others. You'll be seeing a lot of them posted at the sidebar real soon. Plus, I got an Architectural Review January back issue and a book about the evolution of office design really cheap. Rare stuff indeed.

overdue*

2005-08-26T16:35:00.000+08:00

Gee, haven't blogged in a while.

* * *

I really like Starship Troopers. See sidebar. I find it readable. (Quite unlike Heinlein's other book, Stranger in a Strangeland. But The Moon is a Harsh Mistress is readable too.) When he randomly inserts discussions about the significance of war and its importance to human history, I don't get annoyed or bored. I feel I'm actually learning something (from a science fiction book no less). I haven't seen the Paul Verhoeven film. All I know is that it has Denise Richards in it. (Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm leaning towards good.) Plus, there's a surprise twist in the end only Filipinos will get.

* * *

I recently found out that The Get Up Kids have disbanded. And The Delgados. And Hey Mercedes... Sob sob...

* * *

On another note, I'm having a wonderful time downloading mp3's the past few days. I found a nice site that lets you search mp3 blogs for songs. I have lots of new goodies. Still have to listen to them all though. I even found the whole album of Stars' Heart.

Damn. All this downloading is interfering with my work. Something has to give...

* * *

TV's doing great by the way. Still haven't wrestled my mom away from her telenovelas.

* * *

* The title is a Get Up Kids' song. I'm thinking of naming all my blog entries with song titles... Whatever.

welcoming the new member of the family

2005-08-16T15:11:00.000+08:00

So I finally bought a new TV for the house.

After waiting for about 2 hours for the old TV to light up (not just on one occasion, mind you), I knew it was a sure sign to get a new one.

One Sunday, my family and I (armed with my mid-year bonus, sob sob), went to the nearest mall to pick a brand new TV. Buying a home appliance is a family thing, isn't it? It takes at least 5 people, sharing the same blood, just to make one decision (and a pretty big decision at that). Probably because the TV is a family member.

I, being the financier, stubbornly stuck to my budget and refused to heed suggestions like "it's soooo cute" or "at least it's a Sony" or "but it comes with a free rack". In short, I didn't get the latest model or a flat screen one. (Why would I want to watch at a 10 degree angle? I like the TV to be in front of me.) I settled for 21" Sharp set at a surprisingly affordable cost.

Now, if only I can get my mom to switch channels from her telenovelas...

err... what was that again?

2005-08-09T09:51:00.000+08:00

Well, they finally proved it...

Men do have trouble hearing women, scientists find

LONDON (AFP) - Men who are accused of never listening by women now have an excuse -- women's voices are more difficult for men to listen to than other men's, a report said.

The Daily Mail, quoting findings published in the specialist magazine

NeuroImage, said researchers at Sheffield university in northern England discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds to male and female sounds.

Men deciphered female voices using the auditory part of the brain that processes music, while male voices engaged a simpler mechanism, it said.

The Mail quoted researcher Michael Hunter as saying, "The female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between men and women, and also due to women having greater natural 'melody' in their voices.

"This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice."

The findings may help explain why people suffering hallucinations usually hear male voices, the report added, as the brain may find it much harder to conjure up a false female voice accurately than a false male voice.

read that again

2005-07-29T15:28:00.000+08:00

I saw this at Governor's Island in Alaminos last summer and I just had to take a picture.

Yes, we should... I think.

panda panda panda

2005-07-26T16:39:00.000+08:00

A jumping panda. 2 scurrying squirrels carrying a trampoline. Clotheslines full of assorted fruits and bamboo cuts. Glowing nuts and worms. And a flying ninja. Put them all together and you get an addicting game!

declaring a holiday

2005-07-21T14:52:00.000+08:00

I'm alone in the room right now (except for Mang Rick in the far corner who's busily exorcising his PC of mischievous internet pop-ups, while reading the tabloids, of course). Almost everyone in the office went to President Roman's investiture, as ordered by the Chancellor. I stayed behind as part of the skeleton crew. Partly because I'm sick too (cough and cold) and I don't want to be sick somewhere else. Partly because I'm feeling anti-social.

Anyway, with everyone gone, including the boss, (and basically, the whole university having a brief work stoppage) I took the liberty of declaring this afternoon a holiday for me too.

So that's why I'm posting this in the middle of a supposed workday. I'm exercising my freedom.

So now... what to do with unlimited free internet access... Any suggestions?

question no. 5

2005-07-11T15:39:00.000+08:00

Tell me all your, but concise, thoughts on God.

I have a short poem by Ogden Nash tacked to my office corkboard.

The Fly

God in His wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.

Staring at it everyday reminds me that:

a. As I've said before, God has a wicked sense of humor. Tee hee.
b. We ask too many questions.
c. Some things we're not meant to know about.
d. And He's not telling.

question no. 4

2005-07-07T16:27:00.000+08:00

If you're given the chance to talk to one famous architect, dead or alive, who is this person, why, and what are you going to ask him/her?

Hmmm... I'd like the chance to meet Sir Norman Foster. Or maybe even Glenn Murcutt (coincidentally, both Pritzker Prize winners and, shall we say, folically challenged). I love their works. I just want to meet them in flesh, maybe shake their hands, and prove to myself their existence. However, I really don't know what to ask them. I'll probably be too awe-struck and act like a babbling idiot instead.

question no. 3

2005-07-06T16:55:00.000+08:00

Say, I am going to strictly produce a film about you, and we're going to do that in the form of an adaptation of a biography or literature based on you. Who wrote this biography, who is going to direct this film, who's going to play your character, who are going to play the leading ladies, and who is the artist responsible for the music?

Incidentally, I had the same conversation with someone just recently. I'd like my biography to be written by Douglas Adams, because he's brilliant, funny and brilliantly funny. And he likes science fiction too. But he's dead. Anyway, can the screenplay be based on my blog instead? If so, the adapted screenplay would be written by one Yasmin Katrina Coles, an up-and-coming talented screenwriter, creator of Junior Reyes Reports, and author of critically-acclaimed works (despite oozing with sex scenes) such as Rosas Peligrosas and xxx.com. I hear she can direct too.

Actors? Gee, I'm not good in casting. Can we just find some good indie actors instead? But all I know is my mom is going to be played by Sandy Andalong and my boss by Matt Ranillo (haha). There'll be lots of cameos too of everyone I know, including me (surreal huh?), so people watching won't get bored.

The whole soundtrack, songs and score, will be written by Josh Rouse. If I can't get him, how about Ebe Dancel instead?

The title would be obvious, of course...

question no. 2

2005-07-06T16:47:00.000+08:00

I don't know if you remember this, but you once told me "You have to give the guy something" (lunch, Sweet Inspirations); what does it mean? If someone would give you 'something', what is IT?

I am not an expert in relationships, so I may not know what I'm talking about. (I can be pretty stupid at times. Consider yourself warned.)

Anyway, I assume you like the guy. And in some convoluted way (may involve: a. illegal acts such as eavesdropping/wiretapping; b. signs from the heavens, your choice of divination; c. sheer powers of deduction), you discovered/predicted/came to the conclusion that he likes you. Ok, you like each other. He drops hints about it. You, as his object of affection, have to acknowledge these hints. Give him something, so he doesn't feel like he's courting a brick wall. It's ok if you make him sweat a bit. But don't make him lose hope. Don't let him give up his faith on women.

How? you ask. Try thanking him for his compliments. Replying to his messages (email, text, phone) is nice. Have lots of conversations with him (and at least try not to sound bored). Greet him on the important occasions. Out of the blue, send him text messages about, say, being reminded of past conversations about your present situation. Above all, be nice.

Gee, he better be worth it. To see you go through all these things...

question no. 1

2005-07-05T11:25:00.000+08:00

Now, I finally have something to blog about. Oranjehair has kindly provided me five questions to answer. (Yes, my blog needs an editor. I need someone to prod me to write and supply me with topics. I should hire one immediately full time.)

I have to post my answers in installments though, because each question would probably require me one whole entry. Thus, on to the first of five questions.

What is the soundtrack of your life? Excerpts from songs, genres, artists, etc. are acceptable.

Gee, can I have at least 10 volumes? No? Well, this is a tough one. So many songs too choose from. I thought I answered this when I listed the top 15 songs to be played at my wake and funeral. But looking back (and subsequently enjoying a new phase in my life), I'll qualify some choices, and change or add a few selections.

Something from Tears for Fears

I guess I have to choose something from the 80's. Might as well be them.

Violent Playground - Notions

No absolutes or extremes
That is where most of my decisions lay.

Sometimes, playing it safe isn't all that's cracked up to be.

Gin Blossoms - Lost Horizons

Wouldn't wish this indecision
on anybody else...

Who can forget them? Great first album (before they went pop). Got me tuning to rock. And highlighting the fact that Hamlet and I may have the same (fatal) flaw.

Something from Toad the Wet Sprocket

I won't repeat myself again.
I will not repeat myself again.

Have previous post. Sums it up best.

Superdeluxe - She Came On

And I accept the consequences for the lack of innocence...

Anthem for the mid 90's rock. Radio was at its best where every song that's played is at least bearable. Plus that storyline of leaving a girl for someone else... And all the consequences that came about.

Dog's Eye View - Everything Falls Apart

I met God this afternoon
Riding an uptown train
I said, don't you have better things to do
He said, if I do my job what would you complain about
So I let it go to hell
Now you've got something to do
So I let it go to hell
Does that sound familiar to you...

Tee hee... God has a wicked sense of humor.

Aimee Mann - Wise Up

And it's not going to stop
So just... give up.

There are some songs in my files that I tend to skip for some reason. If I start listening to Aimee Mann, I knew I have reached the lowliest depths of despair. This was the song they were singing in Magnolia, which I thnik was the turning point in the movie.

Girls vs. Boys - Park Avenue

Not really a fan of electronica, but something happened while I was downloading this song...

Something from Jimmy Eat World

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy... Thank you for showing us what emo is all about. Thank you for giving us the best ever emo album. Thank you for playing in my head constantly when I needed you.

Something from Josh Rouse

No other artist I know could sound so sad and lonely even when he's singing about being happy. Amen.

James Taylor - How Sweet It Is To Be Loved by You

I know, I know... it's a cheesy song. I get to put one in. Hey, it's my soundtrack.

Pineforest Crunch - Cup Noodle Song

I wish I wouldn't have these thoughts all the time...

Ah. Now you know where I got it...

speechless

2005-06-28T13:11:00.000+08:00

Can't blog.
Have nothing to write about.
Sorry.

hundred islands

2005-05-26T08:52:00.000+08:00

I know this is long overdue, but I'm posting some pictures from my Hundred Islands trip last month.

It was hot. It was fun. It was tiring. I went hiking, boating, swimming, snorkeling and parasailing. I went shopping. I watched a lot of cable TV. And I took a lot of pictures.

obligatory welcome sign, proof positive I was really there

islands, islands everywhere: a view from the boat

seashell island with its tiny hut...

...and a shell-shaped alcove perfect for swimming

apparently, not enough shade at the island

one of four must-see caves; smells like guano too

sunrise in alaminos; if you squint your eyes, you can see triathletes swimming

sunrise

2005-05-18T14:16:00.000+08:00

The most decent shot that came out of my camera when I was in Bohol last month.
And to post at least something for the month of May...

baptism of fire

2005-04-26T07:54:00.000+08:00

She has no idea
she can make me do anything

Stupid
The Long Winters

Last night was interesting. Not quite what I expected, though I was prepared for anything. Even more so, discovering that I'm not that afraid is quite surprising. What could this possibly mean? Hmmm...

file sharing

2005-04-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

So I'm waiting for oranjehair to give me copy of her brand new Trembling Blue Stars CD. (Yes, and in her own words, file sharing rules!) Can't wait to listen to it. In exchange, I'm giving her a recently downloaded (last Friday) complete Damien Rice album. He's another one of those singer/songwriters.

Plus, I'm giving her a mixed CD. The playlist consists of:

01 The Dresden Dolls - Coin-Operated Boy
02 Jack's Broken Heart - Ardath West
03 The Delgados - Coming in from the Cold
04 Josh Rouse - Streetlights
05 Cross My Heart - Hearing Things
06 Borken Social Scene - Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl
07 Ambulance LTD - Stay Where You Are
08 Hey Mercedes - Quality Revenge at Last
09 The Aislers Set - Not Too Young
10 The Get Up Kids - Campfire Kansas
11 Holiday - Everything You Say
12 Butterfly Boucher - Another White Dash
13 Owen - Who Found Who's Hair in Who's Bed
14 Embrace - You're Not Alone
15 Palomar - Static
16 Dealership - California
17 Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead
18 The Postal Service - Nothing Better
19 Wilco - Handshake Drugs
20 Jem - They

Let's see... there's indie pop, indie rock, punk rock, 60's revival, fuzz pop, emo, alt country, synth-pop and a couple of singer/songwriters thrown in. An eclectic mix, eh?

links

2005-04-18T08:49:00.000+08:00

What do you get when you mix Yahoo! with Google? YaGoohoo!gle

* * *

Specifically for men... or hairy people. How to get the perfect shave...

* * *

On another note, David Duchovny has a blog! Remember him? (Cue X-Files music...)

a year of blogging

2005-04-01T10:36:00.000+08:00

It's April, and that means... I've been blogging for a year now!

After over 200 entries, two template changes and countless hours typing, I still believe blogging is definitely cheaper than a psychiatrist. When I started this blog, I didn't know it would last this long. There were times I'd post 2-3 entries a week. And there were times I'd post an entry every 2-3 weeks. See, thinking up new topics is hard. Espcially if you're not the journal-type of a writer. Funny, I thought by this time I'd have deleted posts I'm particularly ashamed off. But being too emotional, melodramatic, scared, ridiculous or sometimes plain stupid in some of my posts, made me just laugh reading them again. Signs of growing up?

Though my reasons for writing at the start have changed, I think I'll keep on blogging for now.

On to the highlights...

Hoping for more highlights for the rest of the year...

give-boytakeslife-an-ipod-charity-fund

2005-03-31T12:51:00.000+08:00

In my desperate attempt to have an Ipod, I've come up with an ingeneous plan! I'm going to ask (and beg on my knees if needed) each of my dear friends to donate PhP500.00 (though more will be much appreciated) to the Give-boytakeslife-An-Ipod-Charity-Fund. You see, my friends are warm altruistic human beings who possess huge giving hearts. In light of their kindness and generosity, I propose, in return, a one-year moratorium on giving me presents for my birthdays, Christmas and any special occasion. I need to convince around 30 of my dear friends to raise enough cash. But dear reader, if you're not one of my dear friends, but you also possess a huge giving heart, feel free to donate to the Give-boytakeslife-An-Ipod-Charity-Fund. For then, I will be eternally grateful to you, as I will also sure be to my dear friends for acting on my plea.

the stick

2005-03-29T16:36:00.000+08:00

I got tagged by Raymond.

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. What book do you want to be?
Uhmm... the bible(?) since it survived the book burning (well, a couple of pages only really) and I don't like to get toasted. But if I do want to get burned, I'd rather go out as J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Yes. Everytime I read a Haruki Murakami book.

The last book you bought is...
Stephen R. Donaldson's Gap Into Conflict: The Real Story (for 25 pesos!)

Five books you would take to a deserted island:
Assuming that I only want to get away from everything and not get stranded in the place, and I have all the ammenities available to me...

Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors
The Complete Sherlock Holmes: All 4 Novels and 56 Short Stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
Isaac Asimov: The Complete Stories
Dangerous Visions, edited by Harlan Ellison
Again, Dangerous Visions, edited by Harlan Ellison

What are you currently reading?
Rereading Armageddons, edited by Jack Dann and Gardner Dozois. It's a collection of short stories about the end of the world.

Who are you going to pass this stick to and why?
oranjehair. Because she doesn't normally post these things and I'd like to see if the chain will break.

christmas, phil collins and a dancing puppet

2005-03-22T15:23:00.000+08:00

Haven't posted in a while and the first thing I'm writing about is... you guessed it, mp3 downloads!

Got some great new mp3's of Broken Social Scene, Owen, The New Pornographers, Pinback, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Owls, Wilco and Stars. Curiously, I also downloaded some Christmas songs by Coldplay, The Raveonettes and Yo La Tengo. I know it's kinda late (or way too early). Maybe it's just my way of staving off the heat.

Found two mp3's I've been searching for the longest time - a clean copy of Holiday's Everything You Say - and The Postal Service's cover of Phil Collins' Against All Odds.

I surprisingly found that Dresden Dolls song that begins with...

I want a coin-operated boy...

...and I immediately thought of oranjehair. Hmmm. Also found that new Interpol song, off their latest album, the one I couldn't get off my head in weeks, the one with the excellent video that has a saucer-eyed dancing puppet, the one that starts with...

Rosemary... heaven restores you in life...

...which I promptly played in my headphones for a few mornings.

Now, if only I could get more space in my hard disk...

shaking off the rust

2005-03-22T11:56:00.000+08:00

Many of you may be wondering if I'm letting this blog die a slow a death. Posting every two weeks (and the occasional funny Sherman's Lagoon strip as filler) plus not even updating my currently lost in section, I can see why people might anticipate this site's demise.

But this blog will not go away that easily.

I am back writing. For the past two months I simply had so many things to do. I had papers to write for masters (for all the frustrations I feel right now, masters can be another long entry). I also had a few side projects to finish that, for some cosmic reason, happened to fall into my lap when I'm completely swamped. Even my book reading has been temporarily suspended and I couldn't even find the time to shop for books.

Here's the quirky part. Another reason why I cut back on writing is that I couldn't find topics to write about. See, being miserable and depressed spurs me to hit the keys and save lots of txt files. But I don't feel miserable. And I don't feel depressed. (Gasp! Can it be?) For now, at least.

Does it run counter through the whole boytakeslife theme? Am I moving away from the spirit which this blog was founded upon? Hell, yes. For now, at least.

Seriously, I can't write when I'm happy. My vocabulary lacks proper synonyms for happiness (well, there's happy happy joy joy...). Plus, I don't want to be excessively cheesy (which I was recently accused of).

And also, I realized that I simply can't share too much. So, leave some for me, please?

blrrrecht

2005-03-11T12:45:00.000+08:00

help!

2005-03-04T15:35:00.000+08:00

I've been asked to design a restaurant, one of the lechon chains (hmmm...roasted pig...drool...) with an OTB (Off Track Betting) booth on the side. Located in an existing space to be rented, it should have lots of TV sets around. Any ideas for finishes? Motiffs? Colors? Should I paint images of flying pigs on the wall? Maybe pigs riding thoroughbreds to the finish line? Anything?!

of blogs and bosses

2005-03-02T15:32:00.000+08:00

Let me eat my words a bit. My boss still reads my blog.

And how did I find out? About ten minutes ago, he came into the room showing me a print out of the complete detailed instructions on how to Build the Best Paper Airplane in the World.

He got that from reading my previous entry. Which means he also read my other entries. Like my dream entries. Like my waiting shed entry. And like my new-nickname-for-my-boss entry. Oops.

I'm still alive. And I still have a job. So far...

phantom thoughts

2005-02-28T09:46:00.000+08:00

A couple of passing thoughts while watching the Phantom of the Opera:

How does the Phantom get his mask stuck to his face? Super Glue?
Minnie Driver looks like a drag queen.
Didn't Don Johnson sing that duet with whatshername?
The Phantom sure has lighting fast hands (as evidenced by his rope tricks).
Sheep on stage.
Pedophilia! screaming loud in my head.
Why don't they just run away?

I am not a musical fan. Nor have I seen the play. I don't like prolonging a scene too much, even if it's filled with remarkable singing. I never liked Joel Schumacher. Either he makes things too gay (Batman with nipples) or downright disgusting (8mm).

But if there's any thing I found out from watching this movie, she can drag again me to another musical... and I'd go willingly each time.

early morning exchange

2005-02-21T13:23:00.000+08:00

Love is forever.
Sometimes, death seems better...

A Best Man (Put My Girlfriend on Fire)
AM/FM

I have a friend. She said she wanted to kill herself. So I asked her why she wanted to kill herself. She said she couldn't take it anymore. I asked her what she couldn't take. She said the pain of losing him again. I told her that she's strong. But she said she has no strength left. I told her she's gone through worse than this before. But she said this time was different. I told her she was a good girl. But she said it was payment for all her sins. I told her to let go of all the pain. But she said she couldn't let go of him. I told her she doesn't deserve this. But she said she hurt him too. I told her not to waste her life away. But she said her life was not worth living anyway. I told her he's not even worth it. But she said he loved him more than life itself.

I have a friend. She said she wanted to kill herself. And I don't know what to tell her anymore...

milkshake thoughts

2005-02-18T08:16:00.000+08:00

So I find myself staring down at my vanilla milkshake. Hunched protectively over the cold glass, I stir the white contents around with my straw. As if my own whirling could do a better job than the raw power of the blender.

Stir and sip. Stir and sip.

Good God, twice it happened during the week. And I thought, that maybe by now I would have learned at least something. But I'm too tired right now to figure out the lesson.

Stir and sip. Stir and sip.

As I was constinously stirring, I was upset. Not exactly feeling it intensely, but more of knowing I was upset. As if I magically held that emotion away from me, turned it this way and that, squinted my eyes to scrutinize every detail, and caressed the bumps and ridges with the tips of my fingers.

Stir and sip. Stir and sip.

I let the laughter of the people around wash over me. And I never attempted to join the easy banter at the long table. I was numb. The cold drink was constantly fueling the chill I felt. I was trying to be oblivious. And I think I suceeded.

Stir and sip. Stir and sip.

Nursing my drink for a long time, I repeat the pattern until the glass was empty. But whatever solace I was looking for I think, I never found at the bottom.

being happy

2005-02-09T16:28:00.000+08:00

jolly green giant

2005-02-01T13:37:00.000+08:00

I have a new nickname for my boss.

Back when he was working for the college, I used to call him the fertility symbol. Because, everytime I would see him, his little kids would always trail behind.

Recently, I've come up with something brand new. The jolly green giant.

Jolly. My boss likes to tell jokes. I guess that's his method of building rapport with his staff. Everytime he would enter the room, he has a joke or two prepared. He simply likes to make people laugh. He can turn any conversation humorous. And he's fond of teasing people (lalo na yung pikon). Also, being funny is his way of being just one of the guys - without diminishing the respect due to him, of course.

Green. Of all kinds of jokes he'd tell, it's the green ones he's particularly partial to. I think his goal in life is show people that sex can be talked about in the open, and that it shouldn't be a taboo or forbidden subject. And his way is through humor. So far, no one seems to have been offended (no sexual harassment cases filed). Yet.

Giant. He's almost six feet tall.

I haven't told him and I probably won't. But if he does find out, I'm sure he'll take it in stride and just laugh. Or not.

Thank God he doesn't read my blog anymore.

math dreams

2005-01-27T08:29:00.000+08:00

Last night, I dreamt I was a math teacher. And I was showing the class how to solve a tricky algebraic equation. There was this one female foreign exchange student giving me a hard time. She was arguing with me about not teaching her properly. She was talking rapidly in her accented english that I couldn't slip a word in edgewise. I felt so frustrated and annoyed. And that's it. That's all I remember.

Now, what could this mean?

cold dream

2005-01-26T08:24:00.000+08:00

Last night, I dreamt that the world was in another ice age. We had to live in the mountains and highlands because the lowlands were all covered in snow. The way the dream unfolded was like a soap opera, complete with villains, characters, plots and subplots. I don't remember much of the details, except that people still had normal jobs, making a living despite the cold climate. Oh, and the price of wood had gone up. Strange.

Due maybe to the chill we're currently having?

crushed

2005-01-20T15:22:00.000+08:00

Right now, I feel like my heart is getting crushed into tiny little pieces. And it's not because of a momentous thing happening. It's just the little things that occured the past six hours. Small events that softly hammer and pound. My heart just can't withstand the cumulative repeated hits. Until it breaks into slivers and shards, and further shatters into even more tiny little pieces.

And I don't know how to put it all back together.

Oh, I'll just eat my banana bread...

bits and pieces

2005-01-19T08:25:00.000+08:00

First off, the good news. Since clearing space from my hard disk a few weeks back, I've been downloading like crazy. Got new mp3's of Archer Prewitt, For Stars, Death Cab For Cutie, Guided by Voices, The Appleseed Cast, Le Tigre, The New Pornographers, Wilco, Josh Rouse and Stars (which I'm currently tripping on). Discovered a new great band too - Dealership. Plus two complete EP's of Pinback and The Arcade Fire album. Also found a new source of great music - mp3 blogs (which this blog appears to be sometimes).

* * *

I had a friend who recently took the board exams. Now she's denying she ever took it (in jest, of course). I almost forgot that during our time, we too were in denial (so we won't feel ashamed in the event we failed. I know, it's stupid.) There's just something about getting a professional license that makes you looney...

* * *

Build the best paper airplane in the world. Complete instructions including pictures and diagrams. Cool.

* * *

We now have a TV in the office. (Actually, my officemate installed a TV tuner in one of the computers. Long story). During lunchtime, people crowd around to watch the noontime shows. I guess, we won't have much peace and quiet around here for some time. (I'm patiently waiting for them to tire off.) Can't wait for the NBA playoffs.

* * *

I'm supposed to write an entry about something illegal I did. (Aside from music piracy of course. Yargh!) But thinking it through, I realized that it may be used as evidence in court, if it comes to that. It's quite a funny story (complete with discreet locations, lurking around, covert activities and an inadvertant discovery) and I'm dying to tell it. (Maybe in a couple of years when the liability wears off.)

sheds

2005-01-17T08:52:00.000+08:00

I was clearing space in my hard disk last week and came across some old files in my masters folder.

Remember the waiting shed project I had for the campus? About two years ago, I made it a topic for one of my structural classes, further developing the form. And I came up with these. I used SketchUp to generate the models.

I tried coming up with something tree-like, but with all the gaps in the roof, someone's going to get drenched.

Same thing above but playing with the main supports.

For some reason, I was obsessed with this form, and it kept appearing in further permutations.

Did the shape in CAD and exported in SketchUp to extrude. I'd go insane if I did it only in the lower version of SketchUp.

Overlapping plates for a roof.

I did some pulling and pushing and surprisingly came up with a nice form. I probably can't do it again.

Same as above but with a different view. Notice the square tubular frames? It's pretty difficult to bend pipes in SketchUp.

Unfortunately, for some strange reason, SketchUp can't run in my computer anymore (I think I may have to reformat). But it's a nice fast tool for 3D modeling.

*For all dial-ups, sorry if my entry took so long to load.

the postal service

2005-01-13T11:47:00.000+08:00

I've been listening to a lot of The Postal Service lately. Funny, I downloaded the Give Up album about two years ago, but it's only now that I got to include them in my playlist. The sound is synth-pop, basically electronica mixed with vocals and guitars with a lot of sampling and beats. It's not music you can dance too, nor is it lounge. Nor is it somthing you normally hear on the radio. But it's very harmonic and the lyrics are excellent.

There's an interesting story behind the production of the album. It's a collaboration between Dntel (a one-man electronica band) and Death Cab for Cutie (indie pop superband). Dntel would send instrumental tracks to the lead singer of Death Cab. In turn, he'll write lyrics and add vocals and guitars, and send it back. The exchanges went on for a couple of months (hence the name The Postal Service) plus only two sessions where they actually met face-to-face. The result is one of the best albums of 2001.

The Postal Service - Such Great Heights.mp3

This is the second single released off the album, and, I might add, one of the better and catchy ones. The song is so good, even other indie artists cover it. Enjoy.

like a gargoyle

2005-01-11T16:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday afternoon, I sat on the front steps of the office watching the shifting colors of the sky. Almost all the people inside have left, save for a few finishing up for the day. After being cooped up in my desk for so long, I came out to get some fresh air, saw the sky, and just had to sit down.

Situated in a remote part of the campus, people and cars passed through the office occasionaly. And with so late in the day, the bustle of activity (or what passes for it in our area) that pervades the grounds has died down to a thin trickle of students walking alone.

This scene was quietly being played before me against a backdrop of pale blues and reds, under the fading light.

I sat there, like a gargoyle, troubled with the thought that I didn't get to say goodbye.

Shrugging things off, I got up, went back in to pick up my things, and found a surprise waiting for me.

a box of black shirts and a song in my head

2005-01-07T13:43:00.000+08:00

Elliot Smith was singing in my head again.

You... you never know... you know, you know...

I found myself one afternoon, standing along the road, cradling a box of black shirts in my arms. I was waiting for a ride. Sunlight was filtering through the acacia trees, while the December air was bravely holding off the heat of the afternoon sun.

I must have been transfixed there for about 15 minutes, shifting my weight on each foot and juggling the box on my tiring arms.

Indecision has crept up on me again. I was debating with myself if I should take the longer or shorter route. But I patiently waited for the shorter ride to come. I was alone at the corner.

All the while, Elliot Smith was singing in my head.

And I just remembered, that about a year ago, he stuck a knife in his own chest.

You... you never know... you know, you know...

more gmail

2005-01-04T16:37:00.000+08:00

For some unexplained reason (other than the fact I love Google unconditionally and Google loves me back), I have six more invites for Gmail. Does anybody want them? Awhile back, they were pretty hot items. Have they cooled off already? If you want one, click on the comment tab below and post an email address.

the new year

2005-01-03T13:45:00.000+08:00

I was looking for a song to end the year and I thought of using Counting Crow's Long December. Off their most depressing album to date (the second one, Recoverring the Satellites), I think it's a bit too depressing for the holidays, even if it does turn optimisitc at the end.

So I opted for Death Cab for Cutie's The New Year. I don't normally post the entire lyrics of songs, but for this entry, I'll make an exception.

Right now, I'm encouraging everyone to crank up their Kasaa's (or any file-sharing service) to download this excellent song. Or better yet, go down Tower Records and purchase their album Transatlanticism (good luck finding it).

The New Year
Death Cab For Cutie

so this is the new year.
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

so this is the new year
and I have no resolutions
for self-assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back.

there'd be no distance that could hold us back

so this is the new year

afternoon nap

2005-01-03T13:40:00.000+08:00

I opened my eyes and found the clock running late.

Lying in bed, I stared for a few seconds at the clock perched on the bedside stand. 2:42. That isn't right, I thought. The hour hand was off a few hours. It was late afternoon, I'm sure, disbelieving the early afternoon time the clock was showing. I gauged the time by the weak light entering the window of my room.

In the creeping darkness, I watched the seconds hand rotate around the face. ...44 ...45 ...46 ...47 ...47. It hovered at the 47th second a moment more or two, before proceeding. Again, I watched it go around twice, flickering at the exact same spot every time.

I closed my eyes again. I tried to grasp the last few strands of the recent dream I had before it dissipated completely. But unsuccessfully, the attempt only left me a sense of loss.

I opened my eyes once more and saw the clock.

And I knew it was time to get up and change the batteries.

leave

2004-12-20T14:54:00.000+08:00

Just found out that my Christmas vacation is going to start sooner. Like tomorrow! So this blog will be taking an extended vacation. See you all next year! (or if I happen to find an internet connection in my home...) Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

wilco! wilco!

2004-12-17T18:15:00.000+08:00

Yey! Yey! Wilco has a new album! Wilco has a new album! I'm so happy! I'm so happy! Why am I repeating myeslf? Why am I repeating myself?

christmas wish list

2004-12-15T08:31:00.000+08:00

Aah, Christmas... A season of hope. A perfect time for wishes. And for this occation, I've come up with my own personal wish list (as everybody has about now). It's partly materialistic, partly frivolous, often selfish and sometimes downright absurd. So bear with me.

I wish the bookstore chains would have a 90% off sale on all architecture books.
I wish American Football (the indie band, not the sport) would make another album.
I wish for Josh Rouse CD's.
I wish for four new rechargable AA batteries. (Ooops, scratch that. Raymond is taking care of that.)
I wish Robert Jordan would finish his Wheel of Time series.
I wish for Neil Gaiman books. All of them, please.
I wish for starry skies and full moons when I look up at nights.
I wish I could finish my research in my graduate studies. Oh, and a thesis topic too.
I wish iPods wouldn't cost so much (much means anything over a thousand PhP).
I wish someone would just give me an iPod instead of me having to wish for one.
I wish I have unlimited DSL internet access at home.
I wish I have a new computer (preferrably a laptop) to hook up to that unlimited DSL internet access.
I wish too for a new computer in the office.
I wish for a bigger salary (who doesn't).
I wish for more out-of-town trips, hopefully next year.
I wish someone would let me borrow all her Murakami books.
I wish that all third-world debts be written off.
I wish the weather would always be like this.
I wish New Year's Eve wouldn't be so noisy and smokey.
I wish I could keep up this feeling far longer than the last time.
I wish there's a job were you just download mp3's all day... oh wait.

soft suggestion

2004-12-14T21:41:00.000+08:00

After reading one of my previous entries, someone recently suggested to me that whenever I get that wanna-hit-your-head-on-a-wall-repeatedly-kind of feeling, instead change it into wanna-hit-your-head-on-a-softer-object-repeatedly-kind. For instance, maybe a pillow or a mattress, conveniently located in one's bedroom for privacy. A testimonial from someone who experienced this same emotion has claimed it to be an effective way of relieving (or better yet, beating out) the incredible sense of stupidity felt by oneself. This procedure has been proven to be reliable, while at the same time, prevents any major head injuries, aside from the disheveled hair. Of course, it is still encouraged to bang the head repetitively with intensity, but safety is the utmost concern. Though I am still skeptical by the non-inclusion of pain in the process, I am willing to try her suggestion in my next epsiodes. Future results will be posted accordingly.

fpj

2004-12-14T10:56:00.000+08:00

Woke up this morning and found FPJ just passed away. According to my sister, who had contacts inside St. Luke's, the stroke was so bad that his chances for recovery were really slim, unlike what they said in the media. Not to mean any disrespect to his memory, but if he won the last elections, did you ever realize that we would have a new president right now? Yup. President Noli Boy de Castro. *shivers*

simplify, simplify, simplify

2004-12-13T13:06:00.000+08:00

Right now, I have a new approach on life. Take what is given and never expect anything. I think I've identified what's driving me batty the past few months. From past experiences, expecting so much from other people only sets me up for big letdowns. I tell myself to take one thing at a time and to never put so much meaning into it. I am a living proof that over-analyzing things can drive you nuts. I don't want to be nuts. Wait. Maybe just a little. Anyway, I wonder how long this new way of thinking lasts. Hope it doesn't end soon.

that thing you don't want but keeps happenning anyway

2004-12-10T09:23:00.000+08:00

You're not bigger than this, not better,
Why can't you learn...

Lucky Denver Mint
Jimmy Eat World

For the past two weeks, I wanted to strangle my neck for commiting such a huge mistake. I've been trying to avoid thinking about it. But every now and then, it crops up suddenly at the most inconvenient times, which can totally deflate my mood and render me emotionally paralyzed. I feel shame. I feel remorse. The wanna-hit-your-head-on-a-wall-repeatedly-kind. Brick preferably. But any hard surface will do.

The worse thing about it is, after telling myself numerous times not to commit the same mistakes again, I go ahead and commit them. Like my id is cruelly taunting my superego. And my ego is left to take the beating. Poor ego.

It seems the older you get, the dumber you become. Chronologically regressing, mentally regressing. I must have hit my peak at puberty.

But I'm getting tired of the shame and guilt. I'm getting tired of answering wrongly to the questions. It has to end. My ego can only take so much...

scratch head

2004-12-09T14:25:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... Have a problem. How do you divide a 4m x 4m space into three tambayans equally? If not, do they draw straws to see who gets the nicest portion? Any thoughts? Anyone who comes up with the best suggestion gets a prize!

breaking the silence

2004-12-08T08:09:00.000+08:00

How do you break the silence?

How do you pick up the lines of past conversations, left unfinished for so long? How do you reconnect the bond that somehow got severed?

How do you fill the empty space between, once so full? How do you stuff it with laughter again? Or simple acts of kindness? Or gestures of reasurrance? Or words?

How do you start to smile in wonder at the little things that you both find so precious?

So how do you break the silence?

Begin by saying hello.

2004-12-02T10:48:00.000+08:00

I think I need a bit of a break from blogging. Having less misery = having less things to write about. Need to sort things out first...

answer

2004-11-30T13:31:00.000+08:00

Ever asked a question hoping fate would answer it somehow? About two weeks ago, I did. And after two weeks of fretting and pondering, I may have found my answer. Whatever it is I'm desperately trying to save, may not be worth saving at all...

babbling

2004-11-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

"Do you ever think what could have been?"

Again, to fill the silence, I'm babbling again.

She sighed. "You're babbling again, aren't you?"

"No, I'm serious. Do you ever think what could have been?" I asked her again.

Something in my face must have convinced her I'm serious.

"Well..." She paused for a bit. She looked up, scrunched up her face, and bit her lip. And if I had my camera then, I would have taken the most beautiful photograph in the world.

"Frankly... I do not know what to answer..." and let her words trail off.

But I got all the answer I needed.

scratching an itch

2004-11-26T16:23:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I last downloaded music off the internet. Problem is, I have no more space in my office computer. But this morning I had an itch to scratch, so I made space by deleting albums I don't listen to much. Goodbye Pulsars. Goodbye Postal Service. Say hello to new mp3's by Superchunk, The Appleseed Cast, The Owls and Stars! Yipee! That reminds me. I have to pry loose that extra 40gb hard disk from my AO...

* * *

On another note. Heads up everyone! Three-day weekend coming up! Yipee!

* * *

Oh, and by next week, I'll find out if I'm truly the most horrible person on earth...

unreachable

2004-11-22T09:24:00.000+08:00

restless sleep

2004-11-19T08:23:00.000+08:00

Last night, after getting home at around 9:30, I sat in front of the computer (took a bath first, of course) and typed a long emotionally-draining letter for an hour and a half. I finished past 11. Even if my body was crying out for rest (after spending all day walking inside World Trade Center), I stayed up past midnight to finish David Brin's Brightness Reef. Which left me unsatisfied since, unusual for Brin, there were parts two and three to follow. As a result? Restless sleep. I was tossing and turning all night. My brain was still to active. I had lines from the letter running through my head. I even thought of things I should have written down. My fingers were tingling. In the back of my head, scenes from the planet Jijo were playing. For the six hours I was in bed, I probably slept for only four. Ugh, letters and Brin do not mix.

lara's dad

2004-11-17T16:24:00.000+08:00

Please pray for Lara's dad, who, as of this entry, has just entered the operating room. We wish him the best. Please send all positive vibrations to the direction of St. Luke's. Every bit counts.